What If I Wrote About You?
Would you want to know if I wrote about you?
Seriously, would you? If your physical appearance and name and relations were totally unidentifiable otherwise. So you could just stay in your little bubble of obliviousness for a little while longer at least if you wanted to badly enough. Would you want to know I had a thought about you that was so strong that I literally wrote about it… days or hours or weeks or months or years later?
(Does that last statement make writing sound creepy af? Yep - 100%. Does that mean I’m going to stop anytime soon? Nope, most likely not. But I digress…)
Would you want to know if I wrote about how you were the worst and so annoying and being in your presence literally makes me ill? Or how your hair is as crazy as your personality and how your Botoxed lip is so overdone that you literally look like a dumb-as-rocks duck someone punched in the face?
Or what about if I wrote about a dream I had, with you as the star attraction? What if that dream was fully rated R and all sorts of explicit and sexy and you knew I woke up wet in the morning from it because you read it in a blog? Would you want to know so you can do something about it? Or to just hype up your ego a little? Or would you be so totally freaked the fuck out if you found out it was about you because you’ve certainly never seen me that way or are probably like a second-cousin’s boyfriend or something but now you’re morbidly curious so (just for shits) you ask me?
Do you want to know about that one night you drove me to drink sooo much because for some reason you have the maniacal hold over me that I just cannot freaking drop and sometimes it makes me lose my shit so much so that I wrote a whole goddam novel about it? Would you first read it and cringe a little knowing my commentary could be about you? Probably is about you? Would you ask then? Or would you preempt it and open yourself up to the potential of all sorts of feelings?
I honestly do not know which path I prefer.
Knowing gives you power; options, choices… things that you can change or act on to bend in the direction you like best. It lets you know that someone’s into you without ever really putting yourself out there. It shows you who you can trust, and who has your back, and who is not worth your breath anymore because they are just going to drag you down into the shitter with them. It might teach you about yourself, and you might be shocked at how you are perceived.
But knowledge also gives you a burden. Because with it, no matter what you do, you are always making a choice. (Surprise to probably a whole bunch of people out there… not doing anything is doing something.) Once you know what’s going on, you can no longer hang out in your soft warm oblivious bubble. You cannot un-know what you now know; just as you can’t wish away a bad situation.
So there it is, the options are all laid out; which would you choose?