Today I embark on a new journey — I just signed an offer letter for a six week temporary harvest intern position at a winery in Napa!

The (very) preliminary plan is to take my trusty WRX across the country. To make an adventure out of the journey, both there and back. To stop in new states and eat strange foods and drive through towns that I would never ever book a flight to in my life. To see lots of amazing sights and some seriously overrated ones (I hear Mount Rushmore is in this latter category) and boring open roads and deserts and grasslands and mountains and maybe even lakes that would be super cool to camp alongside.

To go on that cross-country road trip that I’ve always dreamt of but never had the time to do, or tried hard enough to find the time to do. Thanks to COVID and thanks to my accepted offer being deferred, I have lots of time on my hands these days - if I didn’t take advantage of this opportunity now, would I ever? And more importantly, would I regret it for the rest of my life? Probably. Correction: most definitely.

Honestly, even though I’ve wanted to do this trip forever, I feel (just slightly) crazy as I sit here trying to plan out my days on the road while looking up state websites to check for potential COVID restrictions for outside visitors and mandatory self-quarantine times that vary from county to county…

I’ve been to Napa twice already — once for work and once for pleasure. But this will be a completely different experience. Both while there and the getting to and from there portion of this adventure. You see, Napa and this internship is clear across the country from my life and my husband and my house and my dog and everything (and mostly everyone too) that I know. 

Truth be told, I’m slightly terrified. 

I’m a little freaked about leaving the place I call home for that many consecutive weeks. And especially for doing it on my own, by myself, solo, without anyone else I know. Of actually having to figure out shit completely on my own for a change. What if I need to fix a flat tire? What if I clog the drain in my new apartment? What if I decide to camp somewhere and I’m too cold and there’s no one to snuggle with at night and I hear something rustling in the woods?

I’m anxious about finding a place to stay while I’m out there. Renting a room in a strangers house or sharing an apartment with a random roommate, when I haven’t had a roommate (besides my husband) in over 12 years, and I’ve never even had a random roommate, period, even in college. What if I end up staying with a totally creepy person? Or someone who just does not shut up? Or someone who wants to have breakfast as a weird little family everyday because they’re a temporary harvest intern too and they’re homesick?

I’m also scared of liking it. 

Of liking working at a winery, especially at one in California. Of deciding to throw my newly minted MBA degree out the window and take up winemaking instead and saying ‘thanks but no thanks’ to the consulting job I accepted. What if the thought of working in corporate America after spending a rewarding summer actually making something with my hands from scratch makes me want to cry or worse, quit before I even start?

Of liking the independence and freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want it, because there’s no one I’ll have to be home for dinner for, no dog that’s counting on me to go on their afternoon walk, and no one to avoid eating olives or steamers or any of the other delicious things that I love with (the list of these foods is pretty short to be honest, but still you get the point).

I’m scared I’m not going to want to come home. What then? What happens when you have an entire life built somewhere and for whatever messed up reason you suddenly decide that there’s an alternative that suits you more? And one that is no less than 3,000 miles away?

I keep reminding myself that being terrified of things is a good thing. It’s those things that get me excited, make me smile for no reason randomly when I’m doing things that should be otherwise boring, and make me feel accomplished at the end of the day because I tackled a completely crazy thing and made it out the other side a stronger person.

I remember deciding to quit my job and go back to school for two income-less years - THAT was terrifying. Next to that, a few weeks from home and a road trip should be a walk in the park…