Define yourself in 150 characters or less andddd go!

Profile bios are the worst to create. In no way can 150 words define a person. Especially when that person barely knows what they want to be when they grow up even though they might happen to be a grown ass adult already who’s just confused and at a crossroads in their life and looking to pursue a new career path but aren’t 100 percent sure what that’s going to look like yet.

It’s like, okay, which ‘me’ do I want to showcase here? 

The thought process goes something like this: 

Should I be fun and flirty? But what if my coworkers find me on here… I don’t want them to think I’m unprofessional or a liability somehow. How about just cute? Is it possible to be just ‘cute’ without being ‘fun and flirty?’ And do I really want to be just ‘cute?’ This is my damn profile page and I’ll show whatever side of me I want! But I’m also artsy. Maybe I should write something about that? Or maybe I should just use a fun color filter on my profile picture to show that instead of writing about it. Orrrr maybe I should change the profile picture and add in the artsy bit in my bio too… But what if they think I’m too edgy then?!

(The infamous ‘they’ listed above, in case you were wondering, is just a general ‘they’ and is likely to be anyone you might find yourself to be super self-conscious around for whatever reason - probably an ex, let’s be real.)

This makes me wonder if the people who get the most dates on dating apps are just great at marketing themselves. They’ve got to be good at spinning their weird tendencies into something positive (or at least saving it for the first date, or maybe just not bringing it up at all because everyone lies at least sometimes). Mostly though, they’re probably just great at putting forth the image of the ideal date for the general public - aka either the alleged marriage-material man (a unicorn, if you will) that was just dropped from the heavens or the bad boy so you can blow off some steam and have a good night with very little sleep (if you get my drift).

Full disclosure, I have never swiped for myself on a dating app. I have never even downloaded a dating app. And no, I am not one of those ‘dating app nevers’ either. But I digress…

Even professional profile bios are the absolute worst. “Highlight all of your best qualities in three lines that will make you a shoe-in for any job you might be applying for in the near future even though you’re not exactly sure what you want to do and honestly you just want a job to get paid already.” Great. Just fucking great. Should take absolutely no time at all to craft the perfect statement to describe yourself and your professional goals in a way that’s specific and measurable while also being vague enough to count for positions outside of your immediate scope…

That’s when someone mentions ‘branding’. Like personal branding, not like literally branding yourself with a fire poker like a lunatic. And how you have to showcase your best ‘you’ while mentioning accomplishments and past employers that sound fancy but keeping the attention on you so they remember your name for the rest of the week.

First of all, what if my best ‘me’ is the fun and flirty me? 

And secondly, how the hell am I supposed to teach myself proper branding (which people literally get paid to do) while looking for a job while taking care of everything at home while trying to still have some semblance of a social life and see my family every so often while just trying to survive on a day-to-day basis.

Are emojis appropriate in this instance? I for sure could show off my fun and flirty side with a sparkles emoji here and there, and my softer side with a nice flower… just not a sunflower because then they’ll think I’m too happy and that would just be weird…

This is why bios are exhausting.

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