Who knew that a rock carving started almost a century ago would give me all the feels about this country, where it is today, and what it means to be American in the Trump-era.

I remember the night that Trump was elected. 

I remember posting on my Facebook wall (because I was apparently still active on Facebook a whole four years ago) that I was disappointed in my country because of the outcome of this election. I remember too, a reply from a relative of mine, that I should never be disappointed in my country, but instead with my fellow Americans who voted him in - and especially with those who abstained from voting out of sheer laziness.

We all know that America is divided - ideologically, by politically party, on matters of race and gender and wealth inequality, etc. We routinely actively argue with each other about proven scientific facts and often ignore those same scientific facts because it is hard to comprehend that there are actual consequences to the things that we do (looking at you, global warming).

Really, this is not a new phenomenon. America has always been divided across a stark line in one way or another. Today however, things seem especially grim because it seems that no one is actually trying to bridge this divide and make things better. 

Unfortunately, saying you’re a proud American these days is often taken to mean that you are one of ‘those’ semi-automatic gun-toting red neck ‘Mericans who counter-protest the BLM protesters while proudly displaying a Trump flag off the back of your truck. In the words of our president (yes, I did say our), this just makes me plain old sad.

Just visiting Mount Rushmore made me remember all of the things that drove me crazy on election day 2016 (and before and since then) when we elected someone that by all accounts acts like a petulant spoiled child with his finger on the ‘nuke everyone’ button who (to me) clearly could give a shit about whether this country implodes or not as long as he is reelected as President.

Visiting this iconic landmark made me think about where our country is today and what being an American really means these days. America is clearly in disarray (if you think this is fake news you are probably living under a rock or have some spectacular Trump-sized blinders on) and is going though a rebranding of sorts that is long overdue.

To me, being American always meant standing up and standing for your fellow countrymen. It was always described to me growing up as a beautiful (but sometimes tumultuous) melting pot where people from literally anywhere with any beliefs and any background could come together and find their own place to be. From growing up so close to New York City where so many different types of people live in such close proximity to each other, this was just always the way I thought it was, regardless of the corner of the country you grew up in.

The rest of the world (and even other Americans), however, often see Americans through a different lens. Years ago when I studied abroad I remember hearing “oh, I’m sorry you’re American, thought you were Canadian” from many people that we met along the way. (This was at the end of the Bush era and the abysmal clusterfuck that is the Iraq War.) Even then, the idea of the white American traveler was a loud obnoxious flag-waving Bush supporter who really could give two fucks about actually learning about the place they are visiting and who is more likely to be focused on finding a McDonalds for a consistent meal while traveling abroad than trying the local cuisine. (Truth be told their view often changed slightly when I said I was from New York, but still…)

I’m tired of feeling the need to distance myself from being American, but I’m also exhausted from being connected with people that are just assholes, or from people who don’t know any better, or from people who don’t spend the time to try and see any perspectives from the other side.

From people who insist that taking down Confederate monuments is wrong because it’s erasing our history, but who would for sure be offended if there was a Hitler statue hanging around in front of a courthouse somewhere. From people who don’t try to understand that there is a difference between remembering the past (like in a museum) and venerating it (by keeping aforementioned Confederate statues in prime locations). And from people who regardless of their personal beliefs on the matter, absolutely refuse to try and see things from the point of view of others because they are too busy thinking they are right (again, looking at you non-black Confederate statue supporters - maybe just try for a brief fleeting moment to think about how it would feel if your grandparents were slaves down South and you saw a statue every damn day in the city that you live in supporting a man who literally fought for the right to keep people like your grandparents as slaves).